I went through a phase (okay, maybe several) in my late 20s/early 30s where I wore clip-in hair extensions most of the time. I was especially fond of them when I was single and dating and thought I only looked hot with long, flowing (albeit synthetic) hair. I still maintain that they, for the most part, looked real and enhanced my look, the bottom line being they gave me more confidence, and confidence is largely where beauty originates. I ultimately stopped wearing them because I figured the constant weight on my fine, thin (and thinning) hair was probably not the best idea.
Two months ago, I decided my hair had had enough rest and it was time to revisit the extensions. However, my collection of fake hair in various styles and colors got shoved in one box or another when we moved and is now probably in a tangled pile somewhere in our musty basement. Well, that’s not entirely true… I did happen to see one dark brown wavy clump on the basement floor having spilled out of a trash bag. Its condition is less than stellar, though, and, although I have yet to actually throw it out, or even pick it up off the floor (it’s fun to make my husband think, if even for a split second, that there’s a giant rat with impeccable curls lying dead on our basement floor), I’m not about to wear it. So, naturally, I started searching Amazon for my new hair. Being the summer, I decided to look for the curly 18-inch ponytail extensions I used to rock on a daily basis as my go-to lazy ‘do. Previously, I got them from Ulta for somewhere around $50. But, this time, my savvy Amazon shopping self found them for $11.89, y’all! The exact. same. thing. So, I started wearing the fake ponytail again this summer, again thinking it made me feel more confident and more attractive. Until one day, I looked at myself in the mirror wearing my fake ponytail and my pants romper from Target, and thought…Maybe I’m too old for this. Gasp! Like a ponytail extension whip to the face, I realized that I am old enough to actually be too old for things. What does this mean??? Does this mean it’s time to stop shopping in the “Juniors” section? Oh, quick side note… have you been to the Juniors section of Target recently (clearly I have a thing for Target. Don’t judge me. You know you love it, too)? It’s like stepping onto the set of “Clueless.” It simultaneously makes me feel super nostalgic and super depressed (And slightly irritated. I mean, get your own style, 2018!) But, I digress.
Anyway, I’m creeping towards 40. But 40 is the new 20, right? RIGHT? So, I’m still young. I still got it goin’ on, or whatever the kids are saying these days. I’m not gonna lie to you…being a MILF is totally on my list of big picture goals. Maybe I look silly wearing a long ponytail that sits at the top of my head because if I place it any lower it will fall out and everyone will wonder how a horse tail ended up on my office floor. Maybe I have to accept the fact that the section of the store meant for grown adult women is more my speed. Maybe it’s true that people I graduated high school with have children who are starting college. Maybe I need to start thinking about “anti-aging” skincare products. I think I can accept all of that.
But, seriously, when did I universally become a “ma’am”???